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08 August 2008 @ 01:16 am
final 100  
Nov, 2002

What in God's name made me actually read through Seamus' 215 lines of illiterate net-scrawl and then Demos' novel of egoism? I don't know why on earth I am following in their staggering footsteps when I really have a pile of work I should be doing.



1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I don't have any notable scars. With my current lifestyle, I don't see this keeping up.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
A map of the world, a human evolution chart, some photos of New York City, and there is a mezuzah on my door frame.

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
The screen has 3 lovely different shades of pea-green and a dazzling 8-bit display screen. Oh sure, Dad. I'll just take the free one that comes with the plan. And then I'll just listen to Demos bitch all day about how his brilliantly colored screen is slightly "off" on occasion and how he doesn't have enough ringtones.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Classical, electronic, video game soundtracks, etc.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Sometime in the morning.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
I want to believe that the average American realizes "7" comes between 6 and 8.

8. WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Eli

9. THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED:
Tough one. Toss up between: Mythbusters, Bill Nye the Science Guy, and the Daily Show.

10. THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?
Dad, when he came home from work.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
There is nothing in the dark to be afraid of, except maybe parasitic insects/arachnids. At the most these cause mild discomfort. Or, I guess, Lyme disease.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
I haven't cried since I was 2 years old.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
I honestly think they all smell the same.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I'm not really in a position to be picky.

15. WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY?
If you're smart enough, you have the potential to be witty. Any idiot can make a fart joke and step on a rake.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Coffee, I haven't tried any energy drinks. Though sometimes during those 3am 15 page essays, I get tempted.

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Mushrooms, and that's basically it.

18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Some of Demos' cooking. Sorry, Mom.

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
Emily, I think. When I asked her... to go to... something.

20. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
I speak Hebrew and Italian, though I'm working on my accents.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
Now this is another totally asinine question. The answer could be any number of things. Maybe the doctor gave me the gift of a breath-granting slap. Maybe my parents gave me the gift of pea-flavored baby food. Or perhaps my own mother gave me the gift of a life haunting afro when my hair was long enough to fuck with.

22. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
"Like" sounds so juvenile, are we in 3rd grade? Gosh Susie I like you. Maybe you could have said "Are you interested in anyone right now?" or "Is there a certain girl you can't get out of your head even though she's in a relationship and it's slowly driving you to the brink of insanity?"

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
There is no such thing as a "double jointed" person. The phrase you're looking for is "hypermobility," in which one can extend a joint further than the average person.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
I wear whatever is practical and comfortable. The exception is when Demos dresses me, which I try to keep to a minimum. He's very insistent.

25. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
I don't have one. I guess it would be some kind of hybrid so I'm not pumping anymore CO2 into the air than I really need to.

26. WHAT COLOR IS IT?
Shimmery purple.

27. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF EXERCISE?
Walking. Walking away from Seamus.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Everyone dies eventually.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Say it.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
24

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes are more likely to talk to me.

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
Demos

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
What annoys me the most. Let's see. When people say 'your' instead of 'you're.' When people put in unnecessary apostrophes and turn things into possessives when they really aren't. When strangers stare at me in public. Being spoken to by strangers. Bring brushed against by strangers. When someone leans on the subway pole that I'm trying to hold onto and I get a roll of back-fat smashed up against my knuckles. Carrots. Loud people. People who kiss in public. When I stay up all night to write a paper and then come in the next day and the teacher has given an extension for all of the lazy douchebags. Improper change. The way I always smell like cigarette smoke even though I don't smoke. JAPs. Fraternities. Clubs. Celebrities who are famous for being famous. When Seamus says "Bueller. Bueller. Bueller."

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE U.S.?
Only Canada and Israel. One of them is America + National Healthcare and the other is America + camels. So, not really, no.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
My conscience.

36. TATER TOTS OR FRIES?
Either is fine. I like onion rings better.

37. FIRST JOB?
Intern at Crane Markowitz, where my dad works. Pure hell. Boy, can't wait to get into the working world.

38. EVER PRANK CALLED SOMEONE?
I was an accomplice, you could say.

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS?
Grasping to my last shred of dignity.

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I'd rather look like boring-ass me then have an Exacto stuck in my face.

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
Someone said "please."

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
If by "complimented" you mean "made fun of," then I would say my grades.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Watch Demos get rich.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A gift card for a book store. I'm a little picky about what I read.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
I think this relationship is moving a little too fast. You should meet my parents before getting into this kind of stuff, you know?

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
One of my deceased relatives on my Dad's side.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Like that would get me anywhere.

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
Nobody has a favorite finger. You just asked this question so people would have to randomly choose a digit on the spot and attempt to make their choice witty. "OohhhHH I like my MIDDLE finger so I can flip people off! I'm so hardcore, broz!!1"

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Like I said, when I was 2.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I like it just fine but apparently everyone else has "trouble reading it." Someone said I should be a doctor. What the hell is that supposed to mean?

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Hebrew National all beef kosher salami

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Fucking with my glasses, taking too many aspirin, and hanging out with gangsters.

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
Mom left something by Barbara Streisand in there. It's not mine, I swear to God.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
What a pointless question. It entirely depends on what me as "another person" would be like. If there were two of me and both were exactly the same, the relationship would be completely boring and we each would have nothing to learn from the other. Then again, if we combined our efforts and studied different things, only to share them at a later point...

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
No.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
I kind of wish they didn't.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
Magical migraines. Or I kick some nearby object. There is usually swearing involved.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Demos' house.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Not anymore. Still, more than Demos does.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Speak & Spell

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
I don't know, maybe 25?

62. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
I don't even know how to begin to answer this question.

63. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?
I know a few individuals who are infamous.

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
I'd have to go to a concert first.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Buried treasure. Most guys/girls are only full of organs. I'll keep trying.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Fishbones, Fish, Fer, Ferret. I hate all of them.

67. HOW MANY PAIRS OF SHOES DO YOU HAVE?
Five. One for school, a pair of black dress shoes, and 3 trainers.

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
If they're hi-tops it's kind of necessary.

69. WERE YOU UPSET ABOUT STEVE IRWIN DYING?
Steve Irwin is alive. Is this questionnaire from the future?

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Chocolate, mint chocolate chip, and coffee.

71. ARE YOU LAZY?
Not as lazy as some people. Demos.

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
I like brown and grey.

73. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BAND?
My favorite musician is Itzhak Perlman.

74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
I feel I'm a little young for this question. They're staring to come in, but haven't fully surfaced yet. I'm not looking forward to their removal.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
I honestly don't give a shit.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Stan breathing/snoring.

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Aspirin.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Seamus called trying to get me to watch some sport on TV. I think he just wants to get me drunk.

79. WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
That giant spider in their hair.

80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG:
The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE:
Narrow minded, racist conservatives. If they're not around, myself.

82. FAVORITE DRINK:
Water, coffee, tea.

83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN:
Mine is Gemini, I guess that makes it my favorite by default.

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
I don't believe I have a favorite sport, though I do like the NY Yankees and the Southport Devils.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Black, possibly a very dark brown.

86. EYE COLOR?
Dark brown. I just get more and more exciting as this thing goes on.

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
Do I wear glasses.

88. SIBLINGS?
None. I'm surprised my parents stopped making fun of each other long enough to even have me.

89. FAVORITE MONTH(s)
Any month in autumn.

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Demos got me into it. One more step towards being a yuppie.

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Shark Week

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
I think most days of the year suck equally.

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
It wholly depends on the situation, but I think I'd be able to do it.

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
I prefer winter, personally. I'd rather bundle up than sweat puddles.

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
This question is, essentially: O > X or X < O
I would say O is equal to or lesser than X.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE-NIGHT STANDS?
Wow, I haven't had either. Thanks for reminding me of how big a loser I am.

97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Idiots.

98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
This question was designed purely to "call out" your friends who have better things to do, making them feel guilty for not wanting to babble about themselves for 30 minutes. Give me a break.

99. Create your own question! Whoo!
Is this thing actually fucking over?

100. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
No.
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onlyifihavetoonlyifihaveto on August 7th, 2008 06:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you...

I don't know why on earth I am following in their staggering footsteps when I really have a pile of work I should be doing.

Because that's what he does!